On Valentine's Day, I was admitted to the hospital because my shunt implant was malfuctioning. I have a shunt in my brain that helps keep the fluids in my brain from overflowing. My old shunt wasn't doing its job, I started to trip more, get more brain fog, and feel more depressed and behind in life. Luckily, my sibling saw the signs of my body breaking down and took me to the hospital, the place was packed because it was flu season. I was able to jump at the front of the line because I had another fallout in the middle of the hospital right in front of the front desk. I don't remember much of that, all I remember is my head hitting the floor, and loud bang.

My doctor was out on vacation at the time, so his b-team had to preform emergency surgery on me. I spent the next few days in the hospital, so the staff could montior me, and I was doing so well in the hospital that I was able to go home early.

At home, I had to adjust to the new pressure in my body, and my body had to get used to having a non-programable shunt to a programable one. The programmable shunt is senstivie to magnetics, at first I thought that meant all magentics, so I really weary about using my Remarkable tablet, which has a magentic pencil. My sibling got me a non-magentic pencil that I actually like better than the magnetic one, I just hope I don't lose it, oof!

Later at a doctor's follow up appointment I learned its only really powerful magnets I should be worried about, those aren't really that common as the everyday magnets.

I had a time getting adjusted to the new pressure changes in my body, since I never really had pressure like that in my body before. Like I always heard ppl talk about getting up too fast and feeling lightheaded, but the way my body presssure was before I never really experinced that until now. I got mini panic attacks everytime my body's pressure would change, it got so bad at one point it turned into a full blown panic attack and my sibling had to call EMTs because they thought I was having an allegric reaction/overdose to some meds I had to take for pain, but no its was just a panic attack. I was able to come down from my panic attack when my sibling and I met our parents at the hospital, and we started talking about good memories from my childhood. I had some more small panic attacks after that, but those happened at night because my body still had to get used to the pressure change from when my body went from a sitting up postion to a laying down one.

My hopsital bed was proped up to where I was basically sleeping sitting up, so I never experinced this feeling in the hospital. I tried my best to prop up my pillows so I could sit up while sleeping, but the pressure change still happened, and I got a few night terrors because of it.

The stitches from the surgery site itched as bad that it almost drove me insane. It felt like a bunch of ants where marching on my scaple. I was so relieved when I got those stitches removed at the doctor's office, like BRUH!

I had some leftover anesthesia in my lip, so part of my face and throat would feel numb, which made eating for me a bit hard because I didn't want to choke. Rubbing lip blam on my lips help ease out the anesthesia, somehow. I was able work myself up to eat sushi bake, but I was most comfortable eating apple sauce. My mom got me alot of applesuace because of this reason, which is why I'm eating/drinking some apple sauce right now.        

I realized that I was able to eat food at the hospital, so I came to the conclusion that this was another mental thing, and prolly' had something to do with , again, my body getting used to the pressure change.

The pressure change made me more aware (or even hyper aware) of how I sat in chairs and stuff. Now, I make a more conisous effort to have better posture, lol!

Once I made a conscious effort to remind my body that the strange feeling I was expeincing wasn't a danger, but just a normal pressure change, things got easier. Now, I'm able to eat and gets a full night's rest without having another night terror.

Huzzah

Another thing I had to get used to to was having my hair shaved. To do the surgery, the staff had to shave off some of my hair. The fact that I have less hair doesn't bother me, I know that my hair can grow back pretty quick, it was the cold air hitting my somewhat "bare" scaple that was a hurdle for me. It kind of added to the panic attacks a little.

Luckily, I have a lot kugurumis with hoodies to wear around the house, a bunch of hats that my mom randomly got me for the winter, and its getting warmer outside so I don't have to worry too much about that for too long. Again, my hair is growing back pretty fast.

I felt better enough this week to return to my weekly art class, the teacher noticed my absence and I explained to him what happened, and he said he complely understood because his son has a shunt too. It felt nice to feel understood by someone outside of my family.

In art class, I still haven't finish the painting that I've been working on for like 8 months now! but it was nice to get back into a routine!

Right now, I'm on track to getting back to my normal self! While what happened to me was kind of scary and duanting, it reminded me that I shouldn't be too hard on myself when it comes to doing things slowly, rather that be working on this site or learning something new.

The way my body works it just takes me a while to get used new info and stuff, its not like I'll NEVER get it. Its just gonna take a beat before it really hits me.

Which is totally fine....

This post was a bit heavy, I'm sure the next one I'll do won't be so heavy. I just really needed to get this info off of my chest, and recap what had happened to me.

TL;DR: I had medical emergency, had surgery, had to get used to having new device in me along with how my body reacted to said device. It was real TRIP! but now things have chilled out to where stuff is going back to normal.

Long time to see, I've been spending most of my time focusing on pixel art and the toybox section of my site, which you could check out here! I'm so hyped that peeps are interested in the pixel clubs I started! I got alot of inspo from looking at pixel clubs both old and new! I've always enjoyed the little pixels people would used to decorate their sites with back in the day. I'm hoping to grow my toybox section into a place where people can go to if they in need of some cute pixel decorations!

Speaking of pixel collection, I've decided to take part in the 32 bit halloween event, which has a heavy emphasis on pixel art this year, and that just fuel my pixel passion even more! I plan on using at least one template from each type of pixel displayed on the event page! hopefully by Halloween, I'll have a whole bunch of pixels for peeps to cop and add to their spoopy pixel collection! Other than pixels, I plan to make another Halloween theme game for the event this time it will be a dress up game. I want to try to see if I can make a twine or coya text game that at least a little bit spooky but really fun to play! I'm debating on rather or nah I should make another halloween joke generator or maybe I'll just add some new jokes to my exisitng generator.

I've been really going hard in the paint with my toybox section of my site, I want to try and give some TLC to other parts of my site, too. I'm thinking on partly focusing on my comics and writing section, I really want to improve on my wiriting, and I've got some cool stories to share. I want to start work on my worlds page to give some more context to my original stories on my wiritng page. As for my comics, I've just been kind of sitting on them for ages, I've got ideas I just haven't had the time to act on them.

I want to cont. work on my princess peach shrine, but I want to replay some games featuring princess peach to get a better grasp on what princess peach means to me, and I want to wait until the new princess peach game because I feel like that would be a really good additon to my shrine! So, yeah still working on that I just want it to be good!  

Still working on my Vash The Stampede fan-model, I've learning how to make anime hair in blender and just got to the texturing stage, I want to make some other hair models before I model Vash's hair, justi for partice. Thinking about doing Kiki's and Chihiro's hair first since those look simple to do.       

Alot of the time I feel like I'm going too slow with my project and stuff, but just because I'm doing sometime slowly doesn't mean its doomed ot be bad. Art is a process, which means its meant to take a bunch of time, espically if I want it to come out good! I mean I didn't make my site in a day, in fact it took a few try for me to find the look a like for this site. I still have some pages that need work but it doesn't mean its bad and I cant turn it around!               

  Feels like this post should be longer, but honestly that's all have to share for now. I've only be so quiet because I was really studying the blade that is pixel art, so yeah that's all!

 Until next time~

Later days! 

Back from my haitus! I was hanging around Tumblr for a while, and slowly started to hang around the WRONG side of Tumblr for too long. I started to get the urge to compare my art to other peeps and I took that as a sign for me bow out on Tumblr (and soical media as a whole). I kept getting into this bad habit of expecting SSN to give me the same satfiaction and complishment as making my own website does, and I get really frustrated and bummed when it doesn't work out that way. It really sucks at times where I get really inscure abt my art skills, and then I start doom scrolling thru an endless scroll of artists that my brain tells me who are better than me.

Sometimes that mind set can even make hard for me to enjoy media, espically with a character (or characters) I like, having that intoxicating high of seeing something you like being slashed by the despair of feeling like you're not skilled enough to draw them and show people how much you like them is super discouraging. It makes me feel like more of an outcast when I can see other people do it with (what looks like) such ease and without a second thought. But this year I want to completely abandon that mindset and actually try drawing characters like more, oh and because of this mindset this has lead me to just focus on drawing my own OCs, which is a fine thing, but I really think I could take what I learn from drawing some of my faves into making my OCs' art better. Plus it doesn't help that it seem like the type of fan art (and fic) I like seems to be hard to find in the exact way I want it (at least in a way that can quill the need to draw it myself), but I guess that's just the way of an artist.

OOF! I really hope I don't sound like snob, I love seeing peeps enjoy my faves as much as I do, I just want to join in on the fun, I guess. I hope there are other artists out there reading this who can relate in at least some way. 

Along with my SSN break I started to do more productive things in my IRL. I started reading the bible, which is really helped with some of insecurities alot, I never really took the time to read it for myself until recently. When I was much younger I used to listen to bible dvd, and watch my family's old bible tape collection, so I have some understanding of the word through those. The bible always seemed like a daunting book due to how BIG bibles usually are, but doing bible studies thru an bible app really helps, and I found some really helpful sites that translate some of verses if they get really old english type of confusion on me. 

Other than that I've been taking walks around my apt building, I recently took one big long walk, and part of trail was kind of close to the highway, and I felt a panic attack coming on because how many cars there were, and for some reason it felt like I shouldn't have been walking that far, but I managed to calm myself down before I started to spiral, which was really good!  It was really pretty out that day, but it was also PRETTY cold for an easter sunday. 

I took up doing some yoga (again), I got a really pretty mat that cost 60$, and smells like a candyland board with a hint of DDR mat (dont ask me how I know, I just do).  Yoga has helped with my mental health too, I want to be as flexiable as I was when I was younger, just cuz' I think that would be cool!

Back  on the topic of my site, the next thing I want to work on is my wiriting/OC section I really like how on Mani's site, she has a Worlds sections to keep all her OCs and World's lore and related fics, and that's something I think would be cool to have on my site, since I do think about my OCs in a worlds/paracosm sense.  You should really check out Mani's site in general, its a treat for the souls and eyes.

I'm still working on the Princess Peach shrine, I wanted to finish it before the mario movie came out, and well we know how that ended, but I'm still going to try. I want to take the digital garden apparoch to how I want to work on my site, like I want to be okay with the fact that some parts of the site will be more devloped than others. I REALLY want to take my time in making it good, y'know.

Also, also I want to make a Trigun shrine too, since I really liked Stampede more than I thought I would, Vash is a little bit more emo in the recent verison, but I'm pretty sure he was always like that it just that my 13 yr old brain prolly latched on to the more goofy silly Vash in T-gun'98 much easier. I watched T-gun in 2012-2013-ish when it was on Netflix btw, I watched it with my bro, so it means alot me.  T-gun was the anime I showed to my friends at a sleepover in middle school, and everyone was so confused and I was just like "No VASH isn't evil he's good, he's just a dork, its okay". T-gun has been on my mind so much that I think Imma redo my art gallery so I have a section just for fanart, and maybe for T-gun itself because I have this WHOLE AU in mind that's kind of almost like a utopia OVA (based on the 98' ending, but with some elements from Stampede too) beacuase feel like Trigun could have a utopia-ish ending and have it make sense, or at the VERY least it would be interesting to see the plant bros try to live in harmony with the humans (bc in my AU, inexchange for the bounty Vash gives the rest of his and maybe Nai's life (Nai is given a element similar to Kryptonite to lessen his superplant powers until he can learn how to use them for good, just for extra drama, lol) try to help rebuild and replenish Gunsmoke/the Badlands into the utopia Rem always wanted, with the help of Meryl, Millie, and Wolfwood, bc yes), this AU is partly an excuse to make some cute Veryl art (not like I need an AU for that tho') and have Vash and Meryl have fankids.....bc....YES! It's kind of a serious AU but its secertly kind of a fluffy family AU.  I dont know if you guys will like it, but I know I WILL FR FR. That AU might have its own unique section on the site, but we'll see. If I dont post about here, I'm sure I will some where on  the interwebs.

STILL I want to finish the Princess Peach shrine first because ladies first and I liked her wayy before I even knew abt T-gun. 

I'm planning to add a shower thoughts/mircoblog section, and I want to get started on at least ONE of my comic ideas, and finish the Critter Picnic game I started so long ago, and get back into doing blender gifs and renders of Bliss....and finally get around the web travels page.

But its all just a digital garden...a digtal garden...so it will all be done in due time as long as I keep at it!

Anyways thanks for listening to me ramble about a plant man and his reporter/insurance gf (actually they're married, your honor), blog stuff and IRL stuff....

Until next time 

Later days~

Yeah, it's been a while, anyways I was planning to do more stuff on my website this year, but I was WAAAY too into my own head, and almost the whole year passed me by. I wanted to go all out with the Hall-o-zine project, but I ended up biting way more than I could chew, I think I was trying to make up for the lack of updates with my site as a whole. Originally for my mini-site, I planned to have 2 games, a few blog posts, and one big blog post that was basically about my site mascot, Yuki setting up and hosting a Halloween party with her friends. I was going to add a top ten Halloween candy list, again as told from the perspective of Yuki, just for fun, too, but I soon realized that doing ALL of those things at once in the limited amount of time I had (since I found out about the trick or treat zine 2 weeks after it was announced) was impossible. I was going to have another dress-up game and the candy catch game, but as you can see I was only able to do one, I had to learn how to make a game in game maker studios just to make the candy catch game.

I was going to reuse some of the code I used for my previous dress-up game, but what took so long was me making the dress-up assets. I don't know, I just wanted it to be really good--a little bit too good (if that makes sense), I think I was too ambitious with this project, which is it why its kind of bare-bones (at least in my opinion). I realized way too late that I could have done something way more simple and actually in my range of skills (in terms of coding), I mean I'm still proud of the joke generator and the candy catch game, but I felt like the site could have felt more together if I wasn't so focused on the other stuff. The blog post was supposed to be the highlight of site, but not only did I want to write out the blog post, but I also wanted to draw out the scenes too, especially since this was the first time I've ever mentioned Yuki (outside of her dress up game) as a character on my site. The site was suppose to be her character debut in a way (I guess, but you can see  how well that turned out )

Again, I'm not FULLY bummed, I'm more like "Dang, I've could have done better" or at least more simple. Dont get me wrong I still enjoy the trick-or-treat event, going around looking at everyone's sites and gathering treats (and tricks) was pretty fun, but looking at everyone else sites made me realize how simplicity could go a long way.  I don't know, I just hope I can try again next year for Halloween (if another trick-or-treat event happens) or at the very least try again at the next web jam or webzine. I really hope people were still able to enjoy my  Halloween site, despite it being the way it is, and if you didn't I completely understand, I just hope I didn't get anyone's hopes up.

To end on my more hopeful note, In terms of my main site I think I'm going to try working on my cursed images web collection and finish making the assets for the critter picnic game (which I kind of forgot about tbh), I want to set up a sticker sheet page as well and join that webring too. I really want to start on my Princess Peach shrine, since its kind of weird my site is this big and has come this far without some sort of shrine page, but I'll be sure to take my time with it...

I hope this post finds you all well, and until next time

Later days~

LONG TIME NO SEE, HAPPY NEW YEARS and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! Okay, I really want to speed past the obligatory "Sorry for not updating in soo long" speech, I don't think I really should knowledge the fact that I have been AWOL for a bit, at this point its like a broken record. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my site and I LOVE the community I found here on Neocities, but every time I admit I haven't been on here it makes me feel like some weird shame, and that shame stops me from working on my site and even making a simple blog post about what I've been up  to because it feels like I should fall on my sword first before I can do anything. I don't really think that's right to shame myself before doing stuff I love, one of the reasons why I like the old web/Neocities was because in the old web days you could take a hiatus from coding or working on online projects and then come back to it without feeling any FOMO or shame for being behind. I love having my own space on Neocities because of the friendly community and low stakes (Thanks to everyone for helping me get on the first page btw, WOW! I never thought something like that would ever happen to me!). One of my new year's things was to not take myself too seriously or just to be nicer to myself in general, I always have a bad habit of comparing myself to others and feeling like I'm not good enough or that I'm behind, and that I HAVE to do something BIG and LOUD to prove that I deserve to exist (I blame the school system for that toxic mindset) .

 If I ever take another long break from here, just know it's not because I don't care or that I've given up, if either of those things does happen I will make a goodbye post before taking my site down, just because I go ghost sometimes doesn't mean I've abandoned this project.

Speaking of projects, while I've been away I've been working on some comic stuff. I have 3 comics (well, technically 5 BUT 2 of those comics need a MIGHTY overhaul because those stories are kind of as OLD as the HILL, I've been working on those since middle/high school) in the works, and I've been making sections for them in ATOM.

The 3 comics are The Sketchdump, SpriteKeep(ing), and A Queen To Bee

The Sketchdump is a series of gag/experimental comics inspired by the stick figure media that was really popular in the early to mid 00s (Fancy Pants, Animator Vs Animation, Mighty Guy, etc) while also being inspired by the grow flash games I used to play as a kid.

SpriteKeep(ing) is a semi serialized comic series about a crafty woman named Tulia, finding a new species of fae in her garden after being gifted a strange seed by the owner of the new metaphysical shop in town. Tulia turns her garden journal into an observation journal as she studies the new small being living in her home.

Queen To Bee is an episodic comic about the adventures of a spoiled princess who will be crowned queen someday, if she ever gets around to doing her royal duties instead of going on wacky misadventures with her boyfriend for stuff like diamond milk so she can have a complete breakfast fit for a princess.  This comic is heavily inspired by the flash game A Knight's Quest For Milk!

Those are the comics I have in the works so far (along with chara bites), I might add a comic section for my shorter fluff comics featuring my other OCs and my favorite characters from media n' stuff, but we'll see.

I've also been working on another game, this time it's a virtual toy game, a picnic set inspired by calico critters and the virtual playsets Princess Peachie used to make on Deviantart for her friends back in the day. I have NO idea when it will be done since at the time of making this post I've just got doneone with sketching out the assets for the game and visualizing it's look, but it WILL be done ONE DAY, so get excited (if you're into that type of stuff, no pressure).

I've been working on some animatic stuff too but that's more of youtube talk, and I'm not even sure if that will be done anytime soon but I would like to make ONE 2D animatic before the year's over, so hopefully, that will happen......yeah.

That's all for now, next time I make a post I'll just jump into what I've been up to UNLESS its REALLY important to the plot. 

Until next time later days~